Note: this post follows on directly from the previous post, so if you didn't read it already I recommend you do, in order to follow the story.
At the end of the last post, you will recall that my dreams were dashed over the period from December 1st-24th, 2005. I didn't officially hear about Kim's engagement until after Christmas, but I was sufficiently sure of it that I told my sister that it had happened almost as soon as it did, without having confirmation. I had such a strong sense about what had happened, in a way I had never felt before. If only I could do the same with the winning lottery numbers!
Christmas itself was in some ways terrible - my parents had no idea what had happened; they still don't. They had met Kim on a number of occasions when she had visited, and I'm sure they assumed that she was my girlfriend and that all was well with it. In some ways, the former assertion was true, in that for a time she was de facto. However, I couldn't really go into all the details and so I had to live out the awfulness of it in private. Winter in England is not a good time for me in any case, owing to the shortage of light. I recall drinking quite a lot, and watching a lot of fairly spurious movies, and playing card games with my sister and her boyfriend.
December 27th came around soon enough, and I was off to Florida. I came up to London, meeting Ambrose on the train at Bristol and staying right here, in this room which Ambrose was renting at the time and which I now occupy. We went off to Heathrow, met Naomi and her parents, flew to Chicago (where there was snow on the ground, as in Somerset) and then on to sunny Orlando. I had previously met with Ambrose in Cardiff shortly before Christmas, when he was hunting for a suitable engagement ring and I was looking for a specific diamond necklace, which I found there and gave to Kim as a Christmas present. She loved it, but it didn't change a whole lot. I did mention briefly to Am the substance of what had taken place; however, I chose not to mention anything of it to anyone else at the time, on the basis that we were going to Florida to celebrate Andrew and Amber's wedding (and, it turned out, Ambrose and Naomi's engagement) and so my shame and not wanting to spoil the party prevented me from mentioning it.
That week, as I published here previously, was fantastic. The wedding was incredibly moving, and the party afterwards was fantastic. I got to know Andrew's family a lot better, especially Richard, Mary and of course Katie, all of whom are wonderful people.
I remember distinctly having a conversation with Andrew and Amber, by the kitchen counter in their house, in which Andrew stated "I think you should move to the United States". On my first visit, in December 2004, I had contemplated moving there, having seen an ad in the Sentinel for our sister firm in the South-East, looking to hire staff such as myself. However, it was only on the wedding trip that I really started to feel like I could make Central Florida my home. That time, I hired a car and was therefore pretty much independent of our hosts (with directions when required, of course). I really felt I "got it" - the whole American thing, that is - and so Andrew's remark really struck a chord with me, which is why I remember it to this day. I realised that Florida offered me much more opportunity, as a person, than anywhere in the UK. I probably have more friends in Orlando than in any other city in the world, despite having only spent a few weeks there, total.
Unfortunately, we had to return to the UK, and I had to face reality. While in Florida, Kim had continued to call me whenever she was lonely; like an idiot, I accepted every call and racked up a £100 phone bill. I guess oftentimes I'm just too soft for my own good. When I got back, I had a long wait for my results, which were eventually published on January 31st. I passed, and had just 28 days to work out what I was going to do next.
With Kim engaged to another man, the remaining accountancy firms in my home town being as unattractive as ever, I resolved to move. I applied to the London office of my firm, and after several administrative cock-ups (including being told I had been rejected, only for that to be retracted within 24 hours) I went for an interview. Much as I wanted to move to the US, I knew I had to remain in the UK until March 07 to complete my qualification. I was emotionally weary, and was almost of the attitude that I couldn't care less. The result of the interview was that I was asked to wait for a few minutes, and then called back in and offered a position there and then. And not just any position - it included a promotion and a payrise amounting to £11k (US$20k). Just goes to show what you can achieve when you don't give a monkey's.
One of the managers who had interviewed me showed me out, and generously pointed out that I only had 15 days to move to London. I went straight home, logged onto a flat-share website, and by sheer luck the first place that came up on my search was the flat I eventually moved into. I came to London to look around and meet my flatmates; they were all happy with me, the room was available for exactly the period I needed, and so I moved in. I guess there are few people who can claim to have found a job and a place to live in London in the space of 5 days. Later, of course, I moved into Ambrose's room as he moved out to Winchester to be near Naomi.
And so, here I am in London, with my college course for finals starting next week. Hindsight has given me a good deal of perspective about things in general. I know for certain I won't be looking at girls who aren't single ever again - even if, as in this case, they initiate it. I'll still continue to be friends with girls just as I always have; I'm not ready to start a relationship until I've sorted out my move to the US, when it'll definitely be single girls only.At the end of the last post, you will recall that my dreams were dashed over the period from December 1st-24th, 2005. I didn't officially hear about Kim's engagement until after Christmas, but I was sufficiently sure of it that I told my sister that it had happened almost as soon as it did, without having confirmation. I had such a strong sense about what had happened, in a way I had never felt before. If only I could do the same with the winning lottery numbers!
Christmas itself was in some ways terrible - my parents had no idea what had happened; they still don't. They had met Kim on a number of occasions when she had visited, and I'm sure they assumed that she was my girlfriend and that all was well with it. In some ways, the former assertion was true, in that for a time she was de facto. However, I couldn't really go into all the details and so I had to live out the awfulness of it in private. Winter in England is not a good time for me in any case, owing to the shortage of light. I recall drinking quite a lot, and watching a lot of fairly spurious movies, and playing card games with my sister and her boyfriend.
December 27th came around soon enough, and I was off to Florida. I came up to London, meeting Ambrose on the train at Bristol and staying right here, in this room which Ambrose was renting at the time and which I now occupy. We went off to Heathrow, met Naomi and her parents, flew to Chicago (where there was snow on the ground, as in Somerset) and then on to sunny Orlando. I had previously met with Ambrose in Cardiff shortly before Christmas, when he was hunting for a suitable engagement ring and I was looking for a specific diamond necklace, which I found there and gave to Kim as a Christmas present. She loved it, but it didn't change a whole lot. I did mention briefly to Am the substance of what had taken place; however, I chose not to mention anything of it to anyone else at the time, on the basis that we were going to Florida to celebrate Andrew and Amber's wedding (and, it turned out, Ambrose and Naomi's engagement) and so my shame and not wanting to spoil the party prevented me from mentioning it.
That week, as I published here previously, was fantastic. The wedding was incredibly moving, and the party afterwards was fantastic. I got to know Andrew's family a lot better, especially Richard, Mary and of course Katie, all of whom are wonderful people.
I remember distinctly having a conversation with Andrew and Amber, by the kitchen counter in their house, in which Andrew stated "I think you should move to the United States". On my first visit, in December 2004, I had contemplated moving there, having seen an ad in the Sentinel for our sister firm in the South-East, looking to hire staff such as myself. However, it was only on the wedding trip that I really started to feel like I could make Central Florida my home. That time, I hired a car and was therefore pretty much independent of our hosts (with directions when required, of course). I really felt I "got it" - the whole American thing, that is - and so Andrew's remark really struck a chord with me, which is why I remember it to this day. I realised that Florida offered me much more opportunity, as a person, than anywhere in the UK. I probably have more friends in Orlando than in any other city in the world, despite having only spent a few weeks there, total.
Unfortunately, we had to return to the UK, and I had to face reality. While in Florida, Kim had continued to call me whenever she was lonely; like an idiot, I accepted every call and racked up a £100 phone bill. I guess oftentimes I'm just too soft for my own good. When I got back, I had a long wait for my results, which were eventually published on January 31st. I passed, and had just 28 days to work out what I was going to do next.
With Kim engaged to another man, the remaining accountancy firms in my home town being as unattractive as ever, I resolved to move. I applied to the London office of my firm, and after several administrative cock-ups (including being told I had been rejected, only for that to be retracted within 24 hours) I went for an interview. Much as I wanted to move to the US, I knew I had to remain in the UK until March 07 to complete my qualification. I was emotionally weary, and was almost of the attitude that I couldn't care less. The result of the interview was that I was asked to wait for a few minutes, and then called back in and offered a position there and then. And not just any position - it included a promotion and a payrise amounting to £11k (US$20k). Just goes to show what you can achieve when you don't give a monkey's.
One of the managers who had interviewed me showed me out, and generously pointed out that I only had 15 days to move to London. I went straight home, logged onto a flat-share website, and by sheer luck the first place that came up on my search was the flat I eventually moved into. I came to London to look around and meet my flatmates; they were all happy with me, the room was available for exactly the period I needed, and so I moved in. I guess there are few people who can claim to have found a job and a place to live in London in the space of 5 days. Later, of course, I moved into Ambrose's room as he moved out to Winchester to be near Naomi.
If you have any thoughts whatever about this posting marathon, please do comment. I won't be offended by what you think - frankly I'm ashamed enough of the way I acted that nothing anyone could say would increase that. I'd really like to know what y'all think.
5 comments:
Dude, I have lots of thoughts. I'll write more later. You shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty about anything though. That girl did you wrong, no question about it. More later.
Cheers Andrew, it's reassuring to know you think that. I suppose the overriding thing for me is that, while the whole thing was going on, I felt that my Christian duty was to help her through the issues she was facing (which I did) but without allowing my feelings to intrude. I guess that's unrealistic, but it doesn't prevent me feeling guilty about failing to do so. Will await further comments with interest.
Jack, if you were a priest or a counsellor or something, then you might have an ethical dilema about helping a person through something without letting your feelings intrude. But you were in no official capacity with this girl. There was a chemistry there that you couldn't just set aside. All's fair, I say.
Girls can be really stupid - I'm sorry everyone, but they can. Guys do not spend inordinate amounts of time with girls if they think they have no chance of making something happen with them. I'm sure the girl in question knew that, but five years in a relationship is a long time, and I suppose when her beau popped the question she wasn't willing to throw it all away for the uncertainty of where exactly you two were going. It's a bitch though. Please don't think I'm an expert on these matters - not by a long shot.
As for moving to Florida, you have to do what is right for you. As you know, Amber and I may or may not be here in the end, but next fall we will definitely be moving at least for a while. Of course, Florida does have a few other things going for it besides us!! And I still do think that you would do well here. But again, what do I know?! I'm just calling 'em like I see 'em. Remember also, if global warming progresses the way Al Gore thinks it will, all of us here in Florida may have to look for a new home anyway! So many considerations, my friend.
Wise words, Andrew. I agree with most of what you say, although I'm not sure about your assertion that guys don't spend lots of time with girls unless they think they can make something happen. In many cases I'm sure that's true, but I for one have a number of female friends that I've been very close to in the past without that coming into things. And in this recent case, I've expressed my hope that Kim and I could keep in touch and still be "just friends" (a boundary that's fairly easy not to cross from 150 miles away), but I've so far to hear much other than a few short texts. I've written (by hand) and sent several emails, but no response is forthcoming. Maybe she feels awkward or guilty, or both, but I'd have liked to think there was more to our friendship than what went before.
I could go on forever in this mode, but I'll stop here. My next post will deal with the future.
Man, I know what you're saying. In my own experience I haven't wanted to spend lots of time with women if I didn't think something *might* happen. I realize that some people have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, so my comment wasn't entirely accurate.
And you're right to point out that you might have been thinking about Christian duty, and that may be something that transcends whether you're a priest, therapist, or just an ordinary guy. There are times, I suppose, when you do need to just "be there" for someone.
I stand by most of what I've said though. I think that girl did you wrong. I think you'll bounce back though. I look forward to your comments on the future.
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